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Weekly Bugle: Is SHIELD Trying to Recruit Spider-Man?!

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The Weekly Bugle runs every week and includes all of the interesting and cool things we see around the web, but just didn’t quite make it as Featured News. The views expressed by JJJ are not necessarily those of Superior Spider-Talk – who honestly hope Jonah pursues a career in pizza.

J JONAH JAMESON here. Today it is PAINFULLY obvious that I stand alone, a beacon of light and a bugle of truth amidst the liberal propaganda and white-washed media garbage. I have met few who can live up to my example of fair and balanced reporting – and fewer organizations uncorrupted by the “Super-Hero worship” that has broken the millennial generation. Today I fear that SHIELD may have joined the ranks of the disillusioned.

TOP NEWS STORIES

SHIELD Faces Allegations of Conspiring with Spider-Man, Aiding Criminal Practices 

bbbbbbSHIELD. The shadowy organization taking way too many hints from the Men In Black movies, has finally revealed it’s true colors. Sources tell the Bugle that this clandestine cabal has been enlisting and aiding criminal elements, such as the Daredevil vigilante and Spider-Man menace. Despite previous reports that SHIELD was helping innocent victims like war veteran Frank Castle – it now appears that SHIELD may sympathize with home-grown Terrorism.

Spider-Man Destroys Public Property

Screenshot 2015-02-14 19.37.30He’s wearing a mask and vandalizing our natural beauty with every web – WHY IS THIS WALL-CRAWLING LANDFILL allowed to trash OUR city with NO REPERCUSSIONS?!! Spider-Man was seen destroying public property this morning, ripping a sign and leaving it in an ugly skew. This was no accident – we have video of the masked “hero” in the act. Some eye-witness said the sign looked better after the vandalism – but Weekly Bugle analysts have determined that to be incorrect.

Is local Comic Industry Supportive of Vigilantes? Secret Parties Rumored

Screenshot 2015-02-14 19.30.12I’ve long warned of the dangers that comic-books create in our society. Who read these things, these pamphlets that showcase sex and violence of the tallest order. Surely these time-wasting magazines are bad for our children; like video-games, television, and the internet – comics will rot the mind and tend to fester thoughts that any good parent would disapprove of. With growing concerns that comic-books encourage vigilante support (including female variations of Spider-Man), and rumors of secretive parties to celebrate these very real lawbreakers – parents are encouraged to put their foot down and stop blatant narrow-minded brain-washing.

Remember, your family can tune into the Fact Channel, read all my blog updates, and follow me on Twitter to get a clear and singular message that is easy to understand – and more importantly, works hard to get the full story – so you don’t have to. You can rest easy knowing you are in the know, and your children will be less likely to grow up as criminals. This is J Jonah Jameson, and my Son is an astronaut.

In Other News…

Screenshot 2015-02-14 19.38.30Screenshot 2015-02-14 19.35.24Screenshot 2015-02-14 19.36.29

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