There’s no reason to continue denying that this book is for the kids. Spider-Man & the X-Men #3 chooses not to muck about in the regal continuity leading into “Secret Wars,” let alone any other event. It doesn’t even seem to share any ties with the companion titles other than the mere fact that Wolverine is still dead. This issue has some bang, but it goes off in a fashion similar to a child’s pellet gun.

If you find yourself between the ages of 9 and maybe 15, you’ll probably get a real kick out of this issue. Besides the lack of fart jokes, there’s pulled punches, responsible heroes doing the responsible thing, disgusting bad guys doing disgustingly dastardly things, and Spider-Man cracking’ wise like it’s no body’s business. Kids will eat it up. But if you’re a true Spider-Fan (or even if you’re an X-Fan!) you’ll notice the cracks in the polish. Even some intrepid young readers who have their parents’ classic collections to dip into might call out Kalan’s lackluster understanding of what makes Spider-Man so great. Y’know, besides the webs and jokes.

Nothing can bog down a story quite like poor characterization and Kalan at the pen is a testament to that. The X-Kids have been dealing with some heavy stuff lately. Forget the “Battle of the Atom” incident, there’s the fact that Wolverine is dead. Yet, they still seem unencumbered by the world around them. How is that possible?

For many readers, Mojo’s presence (and with him, Mojoverse, Spiral, and the whole array of madness he brings to the X-Books) is an unmistakable excuse for the story to “get weird.” This issue makes no exception but it doesn’t introduce any real crucible for the characters. Mojo’s televised torture usually throws the X-Men into a confused state of violence for at least a couple issues. This time around, the X-Kids are but briefly thrown for a loop. Mojo’s challenges are easily dispensed with and Chameleon’s disguises are sniffed out three times in a single issue. No real challenges are beset upon the young mutant students and once again, Spider-Man doesn’t really bring any specific valuable lesson to light here and his role as a teacher is wasted. Instead of Spider-Man teaching responsibility at Cyclops’ expense, we’re given Mojo.

Add all of that to the tragic underestimation of Chameleon once again corrupting a Spider-book, and you have a recipe for first-time-writer-blues. In #3 Spider-readers are subjected to Chameleon goofing around with Mojo, almost entirely ignoring Chameleon’s notoriety for being unpredictably lethal. His disguises are a joke too; he doesn’t even get the finer points of Gambit down. Admittedly, that is all part of seeing through the ruse, but really — why wouldn’t Chameleon try harder when he always has. For that matter, why team up with Mojo just so he can be an Executive Producer of Mojo’s show in an alternate dimension? How is that beneficial for the same man who collaborated with the entire Kravinoff family to kill Spider-Man?

Kalan’s characters lack any sort of real motivation. His good guys just want to do things that are good (unless they’re teenagers, then they just want to complain) while the bad guys just want to do things that are bad. Again, it’s quite juvenile but at the core, it’s only meant to be nonsensical fun the way a superhero show on Disney XD might be.

As awful as Kalan’s representation of the overall cast is, Failla’s artwork displays them with impeccable quality. Even the hyperbolized “Sinister 66” is wonderfully rendered. The X-Kids look great on the page thanks to Failla’s slick action panels and Herring’s bright colors. So far in this series, the art saves the scenes where the script drops the ball.

If your young kids want to read some Spider-Man this might be an easy title to toss their way. However, if you’re a fan of this week’s Spider-Gwen premiere, your readership and your money is better spent elsewhere.